Being single is difficult to manage status quo: moments of indescribable joy of being one alternate with moments of deep despair because you don’t want to be anymore. In the latter, you feel ready to conquer the world, only to realize that this is not the case because in the meantime you have got used to being alone and you are convinced that you deserve it. So, when you happen to meet someone who on paper may be perfect for you, in some way with your attitudes and your insecurity, sabotage the date.
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Don’t you even notice it? No, because the acts of self-sabotage are so subtle that you don’t even recognize them: they are behaviors that keep you single and induce consequent states of despair and nihilism, which convince you that you will remain alone forever. But you have to stop: entering the spiral of self-fulfilling prophecies or continuing to repeat to yourself that you will remain single for life, will eventually make it happen.
You keep the ex on a pedestal
It’s over. And even if it was he who left you, you continue to carry it in the palm of your hand. It hasn’t gone through it yet, but it’s been months now, and even if it has made you suffer so much, there’s no way that it comes out of your head. Because you have idealized it and this prevents you from clearing your mind and heart to make room for a new man, a new love. But nothing will ever happen if every new encounter has to be compared to the fantastic version of your ex in your head.
You keep dating your ex
Staying friends after a story is over is an anomalous, strange situation. It is one thing to see each other around by chance, it is one thing to just meet and discuss this and that, of everything, of paranoia and new interests. It takes a long time for such a thing to happen between you, some awareness and security as well. However, know that this can be a deterrent for anyone who wants to try to approach you. These behaviors keep you single by scaring new lovers.
You are afraid to expose yourself
Okay when you were teenagers and you were afraid to tell your handsome man that you had a crush on him, but now that you are a mature grown woman, what sense is there not to come forward and declare yourself? Afraid of being rejected? It could happen, but it is better to know immediately if you are investing time and energy in a one-way story than to go on pining yourself in the unknown.
You are super demanding
You have just had the perfect night in the pub: you talked for three hours, you laughed to tears, you were fine. But, there is a but: you cannot let yourself go with him … because he is short! Too low for your standards. But is it worth not trying just because it doesn’t reach the standard height written on your requirements list? In every other respect, it is perfect and if you think about it, you are not the woman of your dreams either. Don’t sabotage yourself unnecessarily!
You have no patience
Have you argued, you haven’t heard from each other for a whole day? Enough, it’s done with you! Really? Does it take so little to discourage you from moving forward in a relationship? It can happen to have a dispute even on, maybe because you are tired, nervous, or stressed … Patience, you are human, it happens. If you cut off a story in the bud just because you fought in the beginning, you will be single for life. Clarify and embrace. Everything will pass.
You complain all the time
Even if you only complain to your best friends, your mother, or the night before you fall asleep, it means that you are putting energy into it. Negative energies, which permeate you, infiltrate each of your cells, become part of you. And you carry them with you even when you go out on a new date, giving the impression of being unhappy. So, stop complaining, cultivate your positives and rejoice: you will see that the next date will go better.
You’re not sure about yourself, even when texting
Ask for an opinion on important and serious decisions, like changing your job, but if you just have to answer affirmatively to that cute guy who invited you out for a drink, do it, write him without too many hesitations. You are so insecure that you make your friends read and reread it many times and worst of all, you give them the power to even modify it. This is wrong: Rely on your instinct, it is you who have to go out with him, not them. You know the expectations at stake, not them. In this way, you will simply outsource your decisions, increasing your sense of insecurity.
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You trade your fear of committing with the feeling that everything will go wrong
The two are not the same. The feeling that something will go wrong must be indulged, fear must be fought. As a chronic single, the very thought of falling in love and having a serious relationship can be scary, but you must never confuse this fear with the feeling that it won’t work – you will never know the answer unless you take the plunge and try to commit.
You are pessimistic and catastrophic
Since none of your stories have worked in the past, then you have come (by yourself) to the conclusion that none of your future stories will work either. But it is wrong: because in this way you sabotage yourself in advance and put the red flag on even those acquaintances that could instead go through.
If you meet someone who even makes you smile, give them a chance: if you think it might work, it will work. But do you know what the first step is to get into gear? Try it. So, go out there and win happiness. Avoid all the above behaviors that keep you single.
