You’re head over heels in love, determined that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, but sometimes wonder if your partner feels the same way. You tend to ask yourself how to become his priority and not an option.
Learn to recognize the signs that your partner sees you as an option in their life rather than a priority. If you’re looking for nothing more than an affair, go for it. Not all relationships have to be long-term. However, it is important to be honest about what you are looking for and where you see the relationship going to make sure that the two of you are on the same page.
Related article: 7 Things You Do In A Relationship When You’re Undervalued
However, if you believe that you are with your soulmate, the person you will spend the rest of your life with, then you would hope he shares that feeling. Unfortunately, this is not always true. While there is no guaranteed way to tell where a person’s thoughts are, there are signs and red flags to look out for that reveal the truth behind their words and actions. Is she here for the long term? Or is she just holding you off by only focusing on you when she thinks it’s right?
Look out for these 15 red flags that indicate that you are not a priority in your friend’s life, just an option:
1. He keeps canceling plans with you.
Even if you can get your partner to make plans, you don’t get your hopes up. Why not?
If you look back, you can see that he is canceling plans with you more often than sticking to them. It’s so daunting that you may even give up trying to make plans entirely.
2. If you share details about your life with him, you know that he will not remember it afterwards.
You would like to believe that your partner cares enough about your life to actually listen when you tell them something.
But you already know that it just goes in one ear and out of the other – that just always happens when you open up.
3. Your partner regularly tells you that you are too needy.
If your partner is only interested in their own feelings and needs, they may try to dissuade you from sharing anything or accuse you of being overly selfish.
He does this through manipulation by telling you that you are needy and making it appear like you are the one with all the troubles in the relationship.
Never let anyone convince you that you deserve less in life. You are not a pawn in their game.
4. You find that the relationship makes you feel unhappy or angry more than anything.
Every relationship will have its ups and downs. Even the happiest and healthiest relationships have problems.
However, pay attention to what you feel most often in your relationship. If you are usually happy despite the bumps along the way, it is a sign of a healthy relationship.
However, when you find yourself upset more than anything, it is time to ask yourself why.
5. You never met his friends or family members.
Even when he tries to tell you that you are important in his life, do you notice that he is hiding you from everyone who is important in his life?
If he found this relationship serious, then he would look forward to introducing you to the people who are important to him.
Instead, however, he avoids situations where you might meet, so that when he finally gets long and goes away, he doesn’t have to explain it to anyone.
6. You regularly catch him telling you lies about the smallest, most insignificant things.
Not only does your partner lie about the big things he has to gain from, you also catch him lying about everything and everyone all the time.
When it comes down to it, he just doesn’t respect you enough to tell you the truth – about anything …
7. It may take days for your partner to reply to your messages.
Whether you call your partner, text them, or contact them on social media, you already know that you won’t be getting a response any time soon.
After all, it usually takes days or weeks for him to get in touch with you.
This is even more frustrating when you find that he is quick to pull out his phone when you’re together in person and that he cares about getting back to everyone else right away.
8. He always seems bored hanging out with you.
When the two of you spend time together, you can’t help but notice that he always seems bored or not interested in you or your plans.
He may spend all of the time playing on his phone as if trying to get away from the situation entirely.
9. All the plans he makes are spontaneous – never planned in advance.
Your partner doesn’t take the time to plan a date for the next week by thinking about your plans as well.
Instead, every time he calls or text you, it’s always a last minute plan.
In those moments, you are an afterthought, someone to call when everyone else is unavailable.
10. You spend a lot of time alone simply because you keep your schedule open to him.
You really want to spend time with him, so you go to extremes to make this easier.
You turn down offers from friends and family to make plans and spend much of your time at home doing nothing just so you can keep your schedule wide open in the hope that your partner will get back to you.
Unfortunately, in these cases you are usually nothing more than a “backburner” relationship, someone to fall back on when nothing else gets through.
If there is a better option, that call will never come.
11. Your partner never takes you out in public.
This is an important sign to watch out for – when you hang out with each other, is it always behind closed doors?
Does he keep you out of the world and avoid being seen with you in public?
If so, he probably just has no plans for a future together. He just wants you around for his fun and enjoyment until he gets bored.
12. He lets you out of big plans while inviting other people.
If he’s planning a large event, party, or gathering, you should be the first person on his mind when the time comes to make the guest list.
Because if you were a priority he would really want to share these moments with you.
Instead, he puts together a full guest list, and somehow your name is always “forgotten”.
13. You never accompany him to any event.
Even if he’s not responsible for planning the event and just has to choose a date to join him to family celebrations like Christmas or a wedding, you are never the one he asks.
Maybe he’s trying to explain it like he’s doing you a favor, but the fact that he doesn’t want to bring you to family gatherings is a pretty clear message.
14. You’re constantly looking for excuses for your partner’s behavior.
You see that your partner’s decisions and actions are often questionable at best.
Instead of blaming them for their mistakes, however, you keep apologizing for their behavior. Unfortunately, all of this only enables him to continue to behave like that.
15. The only person who struggles in the relationship is you.
A healthy relationship requires both parties to invest time and effort. However, if you find that you are the only one trying, then there is a good chance your partner will just enjoy the free ride while they can.
Having said this, it’s upon yourself to know whether you are a priority or an option!.
Here are a solution how to be a priority:
Ensure that you exercise the walking power.
Sometimes it is better to walk away if things aren’t going right. It is obvious you want to be a priority and someone treating you otherwise means he doesn’t value you. Walking away doesn’t mean that you are giving threats or ultimatums just to scare your guy away and make him do as you wish. No! it means that you dare to move on without him if he doesn’t treat you right. If he realizes you want to walk away and he still loves you, he will retrieve his steps and treat you right!
Determine the connection depth.
Connection depth comes from inside. When you have a well-established connection depth, you share what goes around your life whether good or bad. If he hides some personal things from you just to show you everything is under control while deep inside he is suffering, then know you aren’t a priority to him. You need to know whether he feels comfortable sharing his life with you. If not just know you aren’t “THE” girl.
Make it clear what exactly you want in the relationship.
Sometimes people make mistakes by not setting the rules and expectations of their relationship early enough. By this I mean, tell him what you like what you dislike, how you like being treated like for example, I like it when you plan a romantic date with me, etc. I like it when you introduce me to your friends and family. After you set such expectations, he will strive to make you happy because you are his priority.
Just pull back.
Sometimes you feel like you are the only one putting in the work in the relationship. You are the only one that is investing all the time, resources, and energy for the relationship to survive and there is no reciprocation. You feel like he is in the comfort zone and when you tell him, he is just in a carefree kind of situation. Girl, just know that you are not the priority and it’s time to make it quits. Don’t let a man make you feel like you are the one in dire need of the relationship. You two must put in the work for the relationship to work. If you are alone in this, it is time to pull back.
Never commit to Him he is yet to get committed to you.
Many girls make the mistake of committing themselves even before the guy has proposed to them. You start behaving like they are their girlfriends and he has not yet asked you to be one. You even go an extra mile of doing things that hints to him that she already feels she’s the one. This is a very big mistake. Let the man be the one to tell you “will you be my girl?” don’t force yourself in! allow him to commit first and if he doesn’t this clearly shows you are not his priority.
Be fun to hang out with.
Men like partners who are fun and enjoy being around them. When you are together the man wants to feel good and happy always. If you are that girl that always feels annoying and always a nag around him, he will not be proud and comfortable around him. Make it fun when with him so that he will always want to come around.
Give yourself priority.
You need to make your life interesting even without him in the picture. Don’t put your goals and vision in life aside just because you are in a relationship. Your life has to happen and achieve all you had always desired. When he sees that your life outside the relationship is interesting even without him, he will put in the work to match the energy. He will have to make you a priority because your life is already planned out and he has to bring something positive in your already interesting life. He will avoid being the negative vibe in your life if he is interested in you!
Want to know what to see how to get him to listen to you, to love you, to appreciate you…
