Home relationship How To Deal With Lies In A Relationship?

How To Deal With Lies In A Relationship?

105
0

In a perfect world, partners would be super honest with each other about everything. Unfortunately, this seldom happens, with many partners lying to each other on a nearly daily basis. So, how do you deal with lies in a relationship?

While infidelity often comes to our minds when we think about circumstances that can break trust in relationships, a lie is one of the underestimated elements that erodes trust in a relationship. Surprisingly, lying in a relationship is normal, with certain circumstances forcing partners to lie to avoid hurting the feelings of the significant other.

Whichever the reason for manipulating information, lying in a relationship makes your partner feel as though they’re not worthy of the truth, which ultimately injures the integrity of the relationship.

If you are in a relationship where lies are almost becoming the daily bread, this post will cover more on lies and how to deal with a lying partner.

Lying in a relationship

Trust is an essential component and the primary connective tissue of a strong relationship. Lying, on the other hand, is part of the human experience. So what is lying, or when does it happen?

Lying is essentially making an untrue statement with the intent to deceive. As such, a lie might not be troubling until its purpose is to deceive.

In a relationship, lying can be perceived as holding, editing, or manipulating information for personal benefits. It happens when you or your partner conceals the truth, making you believe in something different.

Importantly, while lying is bound to happen, it is not common for partners to tell lies that may hurt the relationship. If you or your partner deceives you often, there might be a serious issue that needs your attention.

Why do people lie in relationships?

Lies are common in everyday life, and people lie for varied reasons.

Generally, people lie to gain an edge over something or personal benefits, but things might be a bit different in relationships. Partners often lie to avoid hurting the other’s feelings, lean into the safety of self-delusions, avoid pain or possible humiliation, protect themselves from losing credibility, or avoid arguments. Depending on the lie and the intent of telling it, some lies are more acceptable than others.

All in all, any assertions that conceal the truth can hurt the integrity of a strong relationship.

Here are possible reasons why people lie to their partners.

  • The desire for control: Hiding the truth or telling part of the story can quickly foster acceptance, resulting in less questioning. While it gives you or the lying partner a certain degree of superiority, it leaves the relationship on shaky ground.
  • Nervousness or fear: It is pretty easy to lie when you are anxious. While this can save you from conflict or the perceived consequences, lying from fear tends to attract severe consequences in the long term.
  • Insecurity: In many relationships, exaggerations are often a way to compensate for insecurities. Having a conversation on neutral ground can help minimize lies triggered by insecurities.
  • Avoiding embarrassment: Many people are ashamed of what’s true or the consequences that telling the truth may bring. This is especially when you or your partner has cheated or done anything perceived as infidelity. What many people do not know is that lies to gain acceptance hurt the most.

Partners have different reasons for lying. Your partner could be lying to you because you react negatively to the truth.

If you suspect your partner is lying, be sure to watch their behaviors. Liars will almost certainly change their behavior to compensate for their lies. In a long-term relationship, you should be able to notice when your partner talks as though he or she is narrating a scripted story.

No matter what triggers you or your partner to lie, it is imperative to intervene before even the smallest lies cause serious consequences.

How lies may affect a relationship

Trust is fragile, and lies jeopardize it. Whether it is making vague or ambiguous assertions, telling part of the story, manipulating information, exaggerating, or withholding feelings, lies of any kind can tear the bond in a relationship. Here are unpleasant effects of lies Ina relationship:

  • Lies block real intimacy: Intimacy is based on trust that a partner places on the other. As such, if your partner realizes that you have been lying, they will likely withhold part of what you could enjoy in the relationship.
  • Induce the feelings of guilt and shame: It is true that you can’t lie to yourself. Although you can lie to avoid hurting your partner or impede the consequences that telling the truth would cause, you will almost certainly feel uncomfortable or guilty for not telling the truth.
  • Mental distress: After lying to your partner, you become suspicious, which subjects your self-esteem into suffering. In the long term, this causes inner conflict and psychological defenses that mature into stress.

While it is possible to lie and keep the part of the story secret, the lies will manifest in a number of ways.

Dealing with lies in a relationship

Discovering your partner has been lying is hurting, and so is when your partner realizes you have been lying. Worse, it induces the feeling of being disrespected, ultimately triggering you to react impulsively.

Well, while being tempted to act imprudently is natural, there are better ways to solve the issue of lies in a relationship.

First off, you need to watch if your partner has a pattern of lies – some people are used to lies to the point that it has become a seemingly natural habit. The best way to resolve things will depend on whether your partner hides things from you only or you and the general public. Either way, do not confront your partner immediately after realizing they are lying.

Upon realizing your partner is lying, it is a good idea to take time to figure out what triggers your partner to lie. From then, you can let your partner know you’re already aware they lie and know their intentions. This might embarrass them or push them to defend themselves, but it will create room for you and your partner to discuss the fate of your relationship.

Importantly, don’t allow trust issues to determine how you will deal with your partner. Handling the matter peacefully creates room for the lying partner to spell their actions honestly. It further allows you to have an honest discussion about how the lies hurt you.

Working through the breach of trust can influence a lying partner to change their lying habit, which can make your relationship stronger in the long term.

While an honest conversation about trust issues can help bring light to any relationship, you will likely benefit from:

  • Learning better communication
  • Checking each other’s well being
  • Discussing things that may break trust in your relationship
  • Attending therapy, preferably together

Final thoughts

Lying is an ongoing issue in many relationships. Even so, white lies are relatively more common than those that are likely to cause trouble.

If you or your partner is lying, no matter the intention of concealing the truth, it is imperative to deal with the issue as early as possible. Otherwise, you may give your lying partner the confidence to continue lying and taking you for a ride. Hopefully, you will find this post helpful when handling trust issues related to lies.