There are many women out there who are going through the difficult life of a single mother. Some for the first time, and some have many years of experience. You will see many women responsible for the home upbringing and being the primary source of income in their families. Performing these two responsibilities isn’t easy, but sometimes there is no other solution.
For instance, Mariam was a woman in a nuclear family, and her duty was that of home and upbringing. Her husband used to provide everything for them, and as a team, they were able to cover the needs of their family all around. In so doing, there was harmony in their family and life, and everyone was happily carrying out their responsibilities. However, everything changes on a Friday night, and for life reasons, the husband died.
Mariam was left to take care of three kids, an eight-month-old baby who needed a lot, a three-year-old kid who needed clothing, and a five year who had just started her studies. The expenses were high, and Mariam was worried whether she could meet them all alone. Of course, these expenses are the central issue of being a single mother. In mind, Mariam knew that parenting needed a lot of perseverance, patience, and dedication. However, she was worried that the kids would lack a roof over their heads. Also, she thought they might lack food on their table or education in their life. Mariam occasionally remembers Arend, who shared memories of her self-sufficient mother who raised them a single mother without any support whatsoever.
Mariam loved how Arend expressed her mother, saying they never lacked shelter, love, food, and the handmade costumes during festivals. Even when Arend was working, her mother still loved and guided her, and so changed her life, and she became self-reliant. Even more, Arend would tell Mariam that she was not willing to change anything from what she had learned from her mother from an early stage. Arend would constantly thank her mother for giving her maternal presence and everything she needed, which her mother would afford.
Even with this aspiring reminder from Arend, Mariam was still unsure of her capability, and she wondered how she would manage both nurturing and providing. However, she would console herself by reminding herself that there have never been perfect breeders and perfect providers. In mind, she knew as a human being, she was full of shortcomings, doubts, and weaknesses, and she was expecting ideal performance. She was even seeing everything she did to her kids as not enough. Every day, she would go to bed with a feeling of emptiness, believing that things would be better the following day and achieve her objectives.
Mariam was bent on resisting the change, and she couldn’t even see the blessings in her life. She was doing well as a single mother, but she couldn’t even realize it. She had a job that allowed her to spend time with her family and provide for the full, as she only worked a single day a week. Also, the kids were strong, loving, and healthy. Although she was paying rent, the house was a wonderful home for the kids. On her side, she was strong, healthy, and with vitality that allowed her to endure all the challenges of being a single mother.
On the side of her nucleus family, her parents never abandoned her, and her friends would listen and advise her accordingly during a crisis. Also, her sisters supported her during dark moments. Although she had an entire life, the desire to perform ideally kept on punishing her. After attending some therapy, she learned to be glad for everything and that even the worst thing comes with a lesson. For example, she learned the value of her sacrifice and hard work and letting go of her life’s love without eliminating her loyalty. As a mother, she also learned to support the needy and not judge anyone. Typically, she realized that gratitude was helping her see the good side in adversity, which allowed her to sleep well at night with a satisfaction feeling throughout the night and day.
She realized that if you had a bad day, the kids quickly realized it and will also have a bad day. For example, one day, she was having tension as the bills didn’t go well as she desired. So, she did her accounts on the table, balancing her income with the services, counting every penny. Mathira, who looked like an adult although she was eight years old, noticed this and comforted her mother. Typically, Mariam felt that she shouldn’t have allowed her kids to see the tension and discomfort. However, Mariam later understood that life exposes the areas that need attention and areas with weaknesses. She learned that if people value and love each other, everything can be bearable, and in most cases, it manifests in positive attitudes in the kids.
Following the challenges and life Mariam lived and passed through as a single mother and how drastically things changed when she started visiting therapies, below are some essential lessons. In such a situation, you should do the activities you love, attend therapies, have coffee with your friends, read a book, enjoy chocolate, or dance at home. You should fill yourself with diversity and be glad of every step you make as you will be getting closer to the pace you desire. Besides, you may need to be empathetic and supportive rather than becoming rivals. You need to love yourself, prioritize your well-being and be gentle with yourself. You should allow yourself to fail, be aware of your failure and let your heart feel the resulting emptiness. In life, nothing is permanent, and sometimes you may be guilty of negligence, yet even if you do everything perfectly, it won’t last forever.
Moreover, you may need to leave your kids at home or with your relatives and go to work, so you manage to support them financially. Typically, this won’t make you a bad mother, as it’s voluntary but pressured by the desire to raise your family without financial struggles. However, requesting support is always an option. Sometimes you can feel empty, tired, and broken, but it’s okay and valid to think like that. Finally, you don’t have to struggle to satisfy your kids’ imaginary gaps by being so permissive and saturating them with gifts because you have left them for work.
After reading the story on how Mariam managed to face challenges as a single mother, we will appreciate your feedback on the following questions.
Do you think it was Mariam’s failure for her daughter Arend to notice the tension in her?
Do you think it was a good decision to leave the kids to go to work?