A balanced relationship is not characterized by the absence of quarrels and disputes, but by how the couple manages the conflicts. Every couple is faced with multiple possible problems, related to intimacy, communication, finances, or household chores. Each of these areas contains different possible problems and different ways of solving them. Here are some practical tips on how to fix a relationship you ruined.
Manage communication problems:
Good communication is a key element, especially in a relationship. Without it, it’s only a matter of time before the first moments of annoyance set in. Irritation is related to the feeling that the partner is not listening, or that he is forgetting things. Communication goes beyond a discussion. Communication includes body language, respect, patience, effort. Here are 3 common reasons why poor communication causes relationship problems, and some practical advice:
• Not being attentive during exchanges and discussions. Looking at your phone, playing games, or even watching television during a discussion can only cause problems. This annoys your partner who thinks you aren’t listening and inevitably leads to arguments. It’s best to stop what you’re doing and listen to your partner. Look at the other during the discussion. And make time for the partner so that good communication is possible.
• Avoid conflicts. In general, people do not like conflicts and try to avoid them. It seems easier to avoid minor irritations and frustrations than to deal with your partner’s displeasure. The problem is that the little irritations and frustrations slowly build up to the explosion, which then leads to a bigger conflict. Often we automatically deduce that criticizing one’s partner leads to conflict, which is not true. Internalizing irritations and frustrations lead to an explosion and that is what leads to conflict. Therefore, it is better to address small frustrations before they grow. In this way, one of the two empties his bag while the other receives only minimal reproaches.
• Not respecting your partner. Not letting the other person finish their sentence, not respecting their opinion, or not consulting their partner leads to relationship problems. Let your partner finish their sentences and express themselves. And respect that he may have opinions different from yours. Consult your partner before making a decision. In this way, you show him that his opinion matters to you.
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Manage sexual problems:
Sex is important in a couple’s relationship. Having sex releases hormones that positively impact the body and mind. Sex brings partners together and spices up the relationship. But if sex is unsatisfactory and causes relationship problems, your relationship is not doomed to failure. In some cases, becoming aware of the problems, getting information, and educating themselves about sexuality can help the couple wonders how they will solve a relationship they ruined.
For other cases: here are 3 reasons why poor sexuality causes problems in your relationship, as well as practical advice:
• Always in a hurry. Couples who only care about orgasm can get bored after a while. Relax, use foreplay to get into the game. Foreplay doesn’t start in the bedroom, but for example during a romantic dinner. Use foreplay to discover each other’s bodies and to provoke excitement. Foreplay can easily take an hour.
• Different desires. Having different sexual desires can cause problems in the couple. Do not focus only on your desires, but also on those of your partner. Even if his desires are different from yours. Discuss your respective desires and fantasies to better know what your partner wants. You may be surprised and even attracted to each other’s fantasies. Also, try to keep an open mind about fantasies.
• No time. Nowadays we are all busy. Very busy. Sometimes too busy to make love. Headache or fatigue are common excuses. Prepare your romantic evening so that it is successful. By planning sexual relations, you will be able to anticipate them, which is part of the foreplay. And don’t forget: you’ll always find time for a quickie.
Manage financial problems:
They say that money makes the law. It could be that your partner spends too much, while you are rather stingy. Or maybe your partner has accumulated debts in the past without telling you. To be able to fix a relationship due to financial reasons, here are 3 common reasons why money causes relationship problems, and some practical advice:
• Spendthrift. Getting within your budget is a common difficulty in relationships. We tend to spend our paycheck in the first 3 weeks and run out the last week. Make a list of your expenses, put aside rent, food, electricity, etc. Look at the promotional offers in your supermarket. Determine your medium and long-term objectives, and calculate the cost of each objective. Example of objectives: to go to the restaurant, to the cinema, on vacation. But also buy new furniture or kitchen utensils.
• Hide information. Not being honest about your financial situation can cause relationship problems. Especially if you are in debt or living beyond your means. Be transparent and honest about your income, debts, and future prospects. It’s also a good idea to let your partner know about larger investments you want to make, so you don’t hide the expense.
Invoices. Not paying your bills or paying them late can cause serious problems. Some of us have more difficulty managing finances. Being responsible for your spending is a sure way to avoid complications.
Manage household chores:
Doing household chores is boring and unrewarding because you always have to start over. Many couples have problems with this because the partners are working or are too busy to take care of the rest. You may find your partner lazy because he leaves his stuff lying around. But maybe you go after him too quickly without giving him time to do it himself?
To fix what you ruined due to various chores, here are 3 common reasons why household chores cause relationship problems, and some practical advice:
• Procrastination. Everyone knows how to differ: Why take out the trash in the morning when you can do it in the afternoon?, “I’ll vacuum after my favorite TV series”, or “no need to clean up after me, the other will do”. Even if it seems difficult, it is better to stop putting off the essential tasks, because it causes small daily problems in the couple that could be avoided. Doing a household chore often only takes 15 minutes of your time and avoids irritating your partner. And it will free your mind at the same time!
• Do not accept the other level of cleanliness. It is common to find it difficult to accept the habits and rhythm of life of the other. If your partner doesn’t clean their plate fast enough, you feel the irritation rising inside you. You then think that your partner is lazy and careless. But he may just have another rhythm and other habits. Maybe your partner only clears his cup of coffee after watching the news (out of habit), or only after 15 minutes (rhythm). If your rhythm is different, you risk judging your partner negatively. But maybe you are too impatient?
• Too many demands. Asking too much often leads to conflict. Many relationship problems start like this. The partner is expected to vacuum, run errands, regardless of the fact that he has a busy schedule. It is wise to lower your demands on the partner, or why not make a schedule to distribute household chores.
Make your relationship a priority:
After a few months or a few years, we tend to take the relationship for granted. You no longer surprise your lover, you no longer shave your beard or wax your legs regularly, you no longer care about your clothing for your partner. Friends and work start to eat away at the precious time once given to your partner, and you soon become too busy, so much so that your love life suffers. To fix ruined relationship, follow the following practical advice:
• Do surprises. After a while, the relationship is established and the insecurity about the feelings of the other has disappeared. No more flowers, massages, cinema, or restaurant outings. He/she loves me anyway, right? Not quite. At the beginning of the relationship, we try to make a good impression. And that’s who your partner thinks you are, who you let them believe. It’s okay to slack off after a while, but keep surprising your partner, making them feel loved, appreciated, and special. A few candles during dinner may be enough. It’s about surprising yourself with little things, like leaving an unexpected little note in your pocket….
• Work, work, work. Certainly, without work, we do not pay the bills. Working a lot increases the chances of promotion. But working too much causes problems in the couple. Or maybe you work a lot because you have relationship problems? Either way, the more time you spend at work, the less quality time you have for your love life. And ultimately the less your partner wants to be with you. Finding the balance between work time and time with your partner is a good first step.
You have neglected his appearance. Not shaving or wearing the same sloppy clothes for days on end may feel normal, especially if your partner accepts you as is. However, taking care of your appearance is also an effort that shows your partner that you appreciate them. It’s likely you’ll feel better too, and your sex life will benefit as well. Try it! You will see the difference.
It is normal to have conflicts from time to time. It’s even healthy in a relationship. However, having conflicts every day is a sign of problems. Some people focus on the negative in their partner, others never take responsibility.
Here are 3 common reasons why conflict causes relationship problems as a result of conflict in a relationship:
• Not taking responsibility. It’s common not to want to admit when you’re wrong. It is often a question of pride. In general, those who are wrong focus on the details (“However? I did this a week ago”, or: “Tuesday? But now it was Wednesday. You don’t know what you’re talking about ”), or change the subject (to their advantage) or bring up unrelated past events. By trying at all costs to be right, you risk losing your partner. Resolving a conflict has nothing to do with winning it, it’s about better understanding the other, and finding a solution to bring the couple closer together. Try to admit when you’re wrong, apologize, and watch the magic happen.
• Mention unrelated facts. It is tempting in a conflict to lay everything flat. To make known how you feel about A, B or C even if the conflict is about D. Don’t do that! It’s not going to bring you closer, solve the problem, or make your partner feel better. Best to stay on topic and solve it first. If your partner mentions unrelated things, you can just say, ‘we can discuss B later, but let’s finish A first’.
• Don’t look in the mirror. We usually have difficulty seeing our own faults. This leads to denying responsibility in discussions, conflicts, and difficult situations. Dare to look in the mirror and analyze your own behavior. It’s how you respond in a conflict that then provokes your partner’s response. You are as responsible as the other in a conflict.
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Trust is the most important element of the relationship. Without confidence, there is not much left to bounce back from. Relationship problems begin if you no longer trust your partner. One can have trust issues related to previous relationships, childhood, or simply because the other does not keep his promises. Regaining trust is one of the answers to regain relationship you ruined by loosing confidence with your partner and some practical advice:
• Lack of realism. By making promises you make a good impression on your partner. But some promises are not realistic which leads to problems in the couple. Before you promise, take the time to think about the possibility of keeping that promise. Only make commitments you can keep. Don’t promise to be home by 6 p.m. if you’re not sure, but instead promise to call when you get there. Don’t promise to do something again if you know it will be a difficult promise to keep.
• Lie. If you haven’t kept a promise, it can be tempting to lie so you don’t get blamed. Unfortunately, the more you lie the more likely you are to be discovered. If you get entangled in a web of lies, you will suffer the consequences. Keep it simple: Tell your partner if you forgot (it’s human). Above all, tell the truth. This makes you a person of value and confidence, it is an appreciated character trait.
• Don’t live in the past. Trust issues from a past relationship often come to pollute a new relationship. Is it normal to think that your new partner is going to cheat on you because the old one did? Are you giving your partner a real chance? If you suffer from a lack of trust from a past relationship, talk to your partner. Be transparent and be honest. Your partner will understand why you react strangely from time to time. If the problem persists, see a therapist.
• Do not be discouraged if you encounter difficulties at first. Try to understand where the problem is coming from and learn from each situation. What happened before the argument? Is the problem recurring? How did I try to resolve the conflict? What would my partner like to change? All of these questions along with the tips and advice discussed above can help you fix a relationship you ruined.