You are single again after a lot of years. It’s a situation that finds you bewildered. The emotional aftermath of separation after the age of 50 is well known and you don’t even need to tell about it because – whatever your position in the ‘game’ of couple dissolution – it is running through your skin right now and therefore you know it perfectly well.
Maybe you never expected to find yourself in this situation, in your mature life. On the other hand, as a young girl, you had imagined that your future life partner would be the right one.
So it wasn’t. Nor is it worth looking for a scapegoat for a situation that has already occurred.
When two people decide to break up, it means that both of them – in some way – have made a path toward this moment. Conscious or not. Guilty or not. Explicit or not. But there you have it.
Separating at 50: why it’s harder for women than ever before
Breaking up is always traumatic, even if the idea of ending the relationship was ours, to begin with. There are a lot of implications that come into play: disappointment over a life choice that didn’t turn out as well as we would have liked, dissatisfaction over not being able to carry it through, concern for children – if there are any – or family ties that are often an important component in these situations.
And then there is our physiology to remind us that now it could be even harder than ever: menopause is coming, the first disorders are beginning to be felt, and letting situations slip by has become difficult. Let alone a separation, considered one of the absolute most emotionally stressful moments.
For us mature women, perhaps, it is even more so for at least two reasons:
On the one hand, there’s the psychological component that menopause brings. The initial swing of hormones and the lowering of estrogen levels that proceeds until the cessation of ovarian activity, certainly do not help to see events positively and to react in the right way.
On the other hand, there is a more intimate issue. Menopause can also change the way women approach to love. The readiness with which our body responds to sexual stimuli – let’s say – is no longer the same: decreased desire, dryness, or pain may have characterized the last relationships. Here is that the ability to abandon oneself to a new feeling to “start again” could find some obstacles tiring and embarrassing.
Separating also means being able to start over in love intimacy and menopause
Concentrating on what is no longer there is never a great idea to overcome a separation. The right attitude according to specialists, is to focus on the new spaces and conquer them.
It may be your daily life and its times that inevitably, as a single person, change. But also of the sentimental life that can theoretically return to shine light and pulsate with emotions, even if sometimes this desire and this impulse are not so immediate.
Psychologists talk about a “technical time” needed to process the separation and dissolve the mental bond with the ex. But once that happens, your sentimental and sensual side is ready to start again with another partner.
But… after menopause, there is a big “But”.
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Return to love at 50, after a separation?
Of course, you can!
We have mentioned some of the intimate problems that statistically can affect mostly menopausal women: dryness, pain, bleeding, burning that in 1 out of 2 women can be symptomatic of vulvovaginal atrophy (VVF).
Generally, these are annoyances that can greatly affect the sexual activity of the couple because they are embarrassing states of which you feel – you do not know why – the weight of responsibility (“It’s my fault if we can not make love”, “it’s my fault if I do not feel like it”, “it’s my fault if I feel pain”, etc.).
Lack or scarcity of lubrication, pain that often causes reluctance or interruptions, minor bleeding, or changes in intimate odor are issues that are already difficult to manage within a stable couple, let alone with a new love.
Avoiding love can be bad for your health
Here is that the easiest way might seem to be to let the matter go, giving up the pleasure of living half of one’s life with fullness and totality of feelings but also, at the same time, the need to possibly have to justify oneself.
The idea of having to overcome so many embarrassments and difficulties (only) to have an intimate relationship with a new partner could make many women throw in the towel. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Giving up living a love story for fear of not making it is wrong and can worsen a psychological condition of depressed mood. In addition, even in the presence of vulvovaginal atrophy, prolonged abstinence is even harmful and counterproductive. What you risk is a progressive stiffening of the tissues, a narrowing of the vulvar access with the possibility that it becomes completely impossible to penetrate.
Treating intimate discomfort and vulvar-vaginal atrophy (VVAT) is important.
It is clear, in light of this, how important it is even after menopause, to maintain intimate health and control all symptoms with a visit to the gynecologist.
There is no other way to understand exactly how what we feel, discomfort or pain can be resolved effectively. AVV can be treated and stopped.
The possibility is in your hands:
Take care of yourself and contact a gynecologist you trust as soon as possible. Telling your gynecologist about your symptoms at an early stage and evaluating with him the most suitable therapy for your needs and lifestyle is very important. Today, for example, there is the availability of innovative treatments, including non-hormonal oral treatments, for AVV that could promote effective symptom management.