“ Nobody is interested in me ”, women in counseling often complain. “ Where are all the men who want to get to know me? Or are they invisible? “Well, maybe not invisible in the literal sense, but it is quite possible that you are shy and therefore not even noticed.
Of course, it’s a matter of the looting scheme. Some women want a dominant, reckless guy who dares to take the first step, who sometimes shows what he wants briskly. For many, this is simply sexy and attractive and also a sign of commitment, because those who make an effort and show initiative are interested.
However, it is precisely these women who often complain: “ I always get the wrong people! “ By that, they mean men who were taken, not yet separated from their ex or still undecided whether they are looking for a relationship. Because unfortunately that goes together: Those who act with others in this way, i.e. are strongly extroverted, like to bask in recognition, enjoy the flirt primarily because of self-affirmation – and they don’t commit themselves so quickly when the selection is supposedly so large.
How you can secretly recognize men in love
In contrast, there is the shy, also known as the introvert. A rather shy man is more likely to sweat with fear on his forehead if he is to speak to a woman – especially one who interests him.
- The more in love he is, the more he has to overcome himself for the first step. This may have to do with a lack of courage, or maybe he has had a painful breakup and doesn’t want to be hurt again. His shyness is then a kind of protective reaction.
- It is particularly difficult for these men to openly show that they are in love; they make themselves vulnerable. It is not uncommon for them to be super cool. You notice: Something is wrong, but because he is covering up your shyness, you don’t get it straight away.
Recognizing shyness sometimes requires detective skills.
- On the one hand, there are the men who pretend to be the biggest pull-outs, but in reality, fall out of place on the smallest occasion. They tell a lot, but in the end, everything is just show and exaggerated. In contrast to the real extroverts, the “bad boys”, are interested, but they can’t show it. They tell fictional relationship stories at the party – and then despair that they had to go home alone. You recognize these guys when you step on their show and join the flirt. If they flee in a panic, then they are really shy.
- The other group of shy men behaves as one would imagine. They tend to stay in the background, they admire and rave from a distance, and often appear inward-looking and perhaps even absent in conversation. If you look closely, you can see how it works in them and how they consider for minutes in their minds which sentence they could say how and when to show you how much they care about you and your life. But of course always in such a way that – in their perception – it is not too noticeable. You can read a lot between the lines here.
- This type of shy man often shows himself in love at work. He moves slowly, observes a lot, lets the brave guys try it first, relies on repeated contact and a basis of friendship because he hopes that over time the initial sympathy and affection will turn into infatuation.These are so-called growth-oriented relationship types, they do not hope for love at first sight like the fate-oriented types. It is scary to them and not binding enough. You are looking for a slow but steadily growing rapprochement. They are convinced that being in love becomes love.
Why are these men so easy to overlook when their efforts are not inconspicuous?
There are several reasons for this. Because introverted people are more interested in extroverted people to be able to experience something of their joy in contact with others, shy men often rave about self-confident women. But they – at least that is how the shy ones perceive it – feel particularly attracted to the “loud bad boys”, whose (supposed) self-confidence is as strong as theirs.
These women often do not even notice shy men. Their gaze is so fixated on the men to strive for that they overlook those who strive for them. If you only look into the distance, you cannot see what is directly in front of you (or possibly next to or behind you).
- Of course, they also want the shy ones not to attract attention. They don’t like to be the center of attention because they feel observed and uncomfortable. Probably the clearest sign of their interest is their persistence. You have patience. You don’t even ask for a coffee during the break in the street café, but repeatedly. However, the time between their attempts is often very long, so it feels like it was all a coincidence. And that’s exactly what they want to do.
- Shy men can therefore often be identified precisely by their alleged non-commitment. They smile at rejection so as not to show that their hearts have just been broken. But they are still attentive.
- They are the ones who notice when you have a new style. But your compliment is pretty sure packaged so carefully that it doesn’t even arrive as such.
Why shy men can be great partners
If shy men are so hard to spot: Is it worth the effort? Most likely yes. Of course, it always depends on the individual case. But especially for those women who “always get to the wrong people”, it may be the right new strategy to concentrate on men who do not walk away from them, but who want to approach them.
However, not only does the shy one have to overcome himself, but you may also have to jump over your shadow and allow a man who listens to be a better partner than the one who only talks about himself. That he is more loving and caring than someone who never really had to care about others. This not only applies to sex but also when he has made up his mind, he sticks to it and doesn’t immediately turn to the next woman at the first conflict. Since courage is not a sign of commitment. Persistence, patience, and perseverance are against it.
