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Sexual difficulties in relationships

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Sexual difficulties in relationships are far more common than they might appear. But, do you understand many individuals in your environment who are going through a problem of this type? Most likely not, because there is still a specific taboo when it comes to discussing this subject.

We still have a difficult time talking about sex, and this encourages misconceptions to multiply. The origin of some dysfunctions has a lot to do with the absence of sexual education. Without sufficient details, we can pertain to assume as true lots of misconceptions about sexuality that are actually false.

What are sexual problems and dysfunctions?


When we speak of dysfunctions we describe failures in a few of the stages of the human sexual response. In our sexual interactions, people follow a series of succeeding stages: desire, arousal, resolution, plateau, and orgasm. Here you can satisfy them one by one:

Desire is the state of predisposition that leads us to seek or reveal receptivity to possible sexual stimulation. Simply put, when you “seem like it”.
Stimulation consists of a physical stimulation action that can be felt primarily in the genital areas, nipples, heart rate, and skin.

The plateau is a fairly steady state of excitement and pleasure that can vary in duration depending on the type and strength of stimulation.

The orgasm or “climax” is a discharge of built-up sexual tension, which is released when reaching a specific threshold with a feeling of extreme enjoyment.

Resolution is the process by which the body go back to its standard state. Here, people with a penis go through a refractory duration, a required waiting time in between one ejaculation and the next that can last more or less depending on age and other aspects.
When any of these phases is impeded, the sexual action cycle is modified and this can affect our complete satisfaction at a sexual level.

The 5 most common sexual difficulties in relationships


These are 5 of the most common dysfunctions that couple encounter in their sexual relationships and their relationship with various stereotypes and incorrect beliefs about sexuality:

1. Erectile dysfunction

Trouble having erections generally affects heterosexual guys and “active” gay guys. There are lots of stereotypes about the idea that males “constantly wish to make love.” It is anticipated that they are always ready to have an erection.

Guy’s sexuality is quite fixated on the penis, which is taken as a sign of potency: you just have to stop and think about the colloquial term “impotence” to recognize the ramifications this has for self-confidence and masculinity. With all this pressure to “give up”, it is typical that at the minimum setback anxiety emerges instead of enjoyment before sexual relations.

In addition, when the partner translates the lack of erection as a lack of desire or attraction, it can generate even more worries and more pressure to achieve an erection.

The truth is that erection is a physiological process that can not be controlled at will, and this is an essential thing to bear in mind in dealing with the misconceptions and performance stress, and anxiety that surrounds it.

2. Distinctions in libido

When you discuss problems around desire, the majority of the time you discuss “low sexual desire“. By offering this name we can fall under the incorrect myth that there is an appropriate quantity of desire or a suitable frequency of sexual intercourse.

It holds true that some individuals see their desire decreased for numerous problems (changes in their life, stress, hormone concerns, and so on) and they wish to recuperate it. In numerous cases, the issue is not an absence of sexual desire however a mismatch in the frequency with which the members of a couple want to have sexual encounters.

In these circumstances, it is common for the individual who has one of the most desires to try to find the other, who may feel gotten into and react with rejection. When there is no effective interaction and can lead to a loss of intimacy and affection in the relationship, this produces frustration on both parties.

In addition, there are also many gender myths and stereotypes weighing on the issues of desire. There is a propensity to think that guys have a greater sexual desire than ladies by default. The elements that describe the differences in desire levels have more to do with social than biological aspects.

The loss of desire can be the consequence of another previous sexual dysfunction: when there is some kind of difficulty or anxiety around sexual intercourse, there are individuals who end up preventing any approach to prevent undesirable circumstances.

3. Sexual difficulties in reaching orgasm

The word anorgasmia refers to the difficulty or failure to reach orgasm. The majority of individuals who come for a consultation with this concern are females and provided this reality, it is convenient to talk about the phenomenon known as the orgasmic space.

In heterosexual encounters, especially when they are erratic, guys ejaculate 90% of the time while only 30% of women have an orgasm. These distinctions are decreased, for instance, in sexual relations between ladies or in steady couples with excellent sexual communication.

One of the reasons that add to this gap is the habit of focusing heterosexual relationships on sexual intercourse, when in fact only 18% of people with a vulva reach orgasm without direct stimulation of the clitoris.

Thus, lots of people think that they have a problem with not having “vaginal orgasms” when in fact they can climax without penetration (for instance, with masturbation or oral stimulation).

The difference between vaginal and clitoral orgasm is incorrect considering that, regardless of the area of the body that is promoted, there is only a single orgasmic response at the physiological level. Due to certain sexual misconceptions, orgasms gotten with vaginal penetration have been provided more value given that it is the practice that is thought about most essential. Therefore, we end up relegating the other sexual acts to a second category: the wrongly called “preliminaries”.

Be careful, there is likewise the case of ladies who do not have orgasms in their sexual relations as a couple since they do not attempt to reveal what they like (out of fear, pity …) or who do not even understand what they like! That is why self-knowledge is essential to prevent the passive or “spectator” function in sex. Due to the fact that of all the myths and gender stereotypes that limit females’ sexuality, there are some females who do not attempt to masturbate.

Others, on the other hand, experience problems because they do not experience appropriate stimulation. Orgasm can only be triggered when a particular limit of stimulation is reached, and when the time or stimuli essential to establish such arousal is not given, it is difficult to reach climax. There are also those who are hindered by the pre-orgasm signals for fear of feeling out of control.

At the opposite pole, we would have excessive pressure. There are women who feel pressured to have multiple orgasms, spraying, and so on. Clearly, the need is the opponent of the disinhibition required to reach orgasm, and for that reason, it is needed to do without it.

There are likewise some males who come for assessment due to difficulties in climaxing. Delayed ejaculation and anejaculation (lack of ejaculation) can occur exactly when ejaculation ends up being an obligation: for instance when a couple is seeking pregnancy.

4. Early ejaculation

Among the most typical sexual difficulties, premature ejaculation is another of the problems that most impact heterosexual and active gay guys. The issue with quick or awaited ejaculation is that you have the wrong concept that sexual intercourse (or, rather, the intercourse part) needs to have a particular period that you need to “sustain”.

The key to the issue is not in the period but in the capability to identify the indications prior to ejaculation. Most people with a penis normally have no problem preparing for ejaculation if they are alone; But when penetration and the principle of “yield” are given so much significance, problems appear, due to the fact that the focus of the sensations is diverted. When this occurs, even if there is ejaculation, it is not even generally specifically enjoyable.

Sexual problems associated with ejaculation are likewise sustained by the misconception that sexual relations end with ejaculation considering that at that moment the penis loses its erection. With of enjoyable practices that can be carried out without needing an erect penis!

5. Vaginismus and dyspareunia

The vaginismus is an involuntary contraction of the pelvic musculature that makes it impossible vaginal penetration. Depending upon the degree, it can happen only with penetration with the penis but it can also occur in a more generalized way: when trying to place fingers, a tampon, a menstrual cup, or a speculum for a gynecological evaluation. This can be due to distressing experiences or fear of penetration for the most part.

On the other hand, dyspareunia indicates discomfort in vaginal penetration: that is, penetration is possible however it is painful. In a lot of cases, this can have a physical origin, such as pelvic floor contracture or hypertonia. There are many individuals who take too long to look for assistance due to the fact that there is still the sexual misconception that vaginal penetration hurts, which is why pain is stabilized when it needs to not be.

Other individuals, due to false information and myths, get the misunderstanding that if they experience discomfort it is since they might have too narrow or too short a vaginal area. These concepts can produce a perception of not being “typical” and lead them to conceal the problem from their sexual partner or partners, forcing themselves to have uncomfortable sex. And sex needs to be needed to delight in, never ever to suffer!

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