The balance of a couple, even based on solid foundations of affection and understanding, is always attackable because it depends a lot on the partners’ ability to maintain a harmony of purpose for the duration of the relationship. Which, in theory, is certainly possible but, in reality, it can encounter many difficulties. It is not just a matter of personal commitment: a relationship, by its nature, goes through various phases in which the dynamics between the partners change.
In the initial phase, falling in love proposes an ideal image of oneself and leads to looking at the other as an ideal in turn: it is a phase of total agreement, in which there are no reciprocal requests for change. Subsequently, similarities and differences emerge, points of contact and divergences are highlighted, qualities and defects are noted and disappointment can intervene, due to the lack of expectations that were placed on the other.
It is the moment in which idealizations are abandoned and we live with all that the other really is. And this is where dissatisfaction can arise. All this requires an immediate awareness of the problem, to prevent disappointment from leading to increasingly serious and, perhaps, fatal consequences for the relationship.
Understanding the reason for dissatisfaction
It is good that the feeling of dissatisfaction is functional to change: because it is an important signal, an alarm bell that something is wrong, that one is involved in a dysfunctional relationship, that the path taken is perhaps not the right one. And this signal must be taken very seriously.
Accepting the inevitable evolution of the couple involves trust, respect, complicity, and, above all, love. When one of these prerequisites fails, it’s hard to feel satisfied with a relationship.
A series of carelessness on the part of the other can trigger anger, a lack of stimuli can lead to the flattening of relationships, a tendency to excessive introspection can lead to feeling guilty or, conversely, to accusing the other.
Feeling lack of support can also be a reason for dissatisfaction: one of the main benefits of being in a couple is feeling helped and protected. If this condition is missing, the attitude towards the partner inevitably changes as well.
Consequences of dissatisfaction
Regardless of the causes of the dissatisfaction, what emerges as the tip of the iceberg is the concept of crisis, which develops over time and, if not stopped, inexorably advances towards levels of gravity that can lead to the end of the relationship. What often occurs is that the crisis of one also infects the other: unconsciously or not, there are continuous misunderstanding and consequent discontent, which lead to quarrels.
Clinging to one’s positions does not help, on the contrary, it worsens the state of things. It may even happen that one of the two becomes physically ill, somatizing the discomfort of dissatisfaction and this condition creates a vicious circle of sorrows and worries that increasingly threaten the balance of the relationship. In this path, the crisis could crystallize, heralding the break, which inevitably follows a continuous phase of boredom, misunderstandings, and quarrels.
Coping with dissatisfaction
Being aware of the problem is already a step towards trying to overcome it: relying on a professional who can help can be important, but the path can also be another and more autonomous.
- Grow self-esteem
It may seem like a paradox, but it is a strategy that works because, if we love ourselves, it is easier to interact positively with each other. Believing in oneself enables us to understand if the crisis depends on our subjective dissatisfaction or if there are objective shortcomings of the other. It is an important step because the dynamics within a couple are the most varied and there are those who tend to shoulder all the responsibility, ignoring that a couple is made up of collaboration.
This does not mean throwing yourself in the opposite direction and placing all the blame on the other but, on the contrary, exploring an impervious territory together, identifying any holes to be filled, and continuing the journey together.
- Begin to change your own yardstick
It is not easy to change the points of view that have accompanied us all our lives up to that moment, but we must understand that often it is not external factors that determine our well-being and that, if we are satisfied with what we have, instead of regretting what we don’t have, we can be happier. This, translated into a couple of relationships, means looking at each other with different, less critical, and more objective eyes.
- Talk to each other
Being inattentive to your partner for too long and on too many things drives love away.
Dialogue, when it is constructive, is always useful: expressing one’s feelings and opinions, even negative ones, on the value of the relationship, serves to identify the reason behind the dissatisfaction. Then, check what are the needs of one and the other, if they converge or are incompatible; draw an ideal graph of the couple, with all that has been positive up to that moment; recognize a value to the beautiful things lived together, understand that it is worth continuing to live them.
- Don’t underestimate the sexual understanding
Physical dissatisfaction can be devastating because it arises from the frustration of unfulfilled needs and desires. It is a sense of lack, of an absence of pleasure in life: if it becomes the rule, it ruins the existence of those who experience it and those close to them. Making love also goes through various stages in the relationship: if at the beginning everything is made special by passion, over time there may be a need for some “variation on the theme” that makes everything more stimulating. Not feeling wanted, not having a stimulating sex life, not meeting your needs can inevitably distance you from your partner.
Abandoning preconceptions is the first step towards a satisfying physical understanding, which has the very strong power of becoming mental as well: you may find that many of the dissatisfactions that seemed linked to other factors, with the discovery of a new and more conscious intimacy, will disappear from Sun.
Resolve the crisis
Each couple has its own resources to overcome the critical moment: for some, the couple crisis can be an opportunity to give life to a renewed relationship, passing from disappointment to disillusionment and each partner will form a realistic judgment on the other, accepting the differences. For other couples, the crisis is destined to stop at the stage of disappointment, with no way out.
We suggest that you always seek communication-based on a real willingness to listen and the desire to find a common and shared basis, to arrive at the conclusion that it is not the other who has necessarily disappointed us, but perhaps we have projected expectations onto our partner excessive. Love is also made of commitment, of a path of life together, and this also involves facing some disappointments and can be a passage towards a more complete and true feeling.
Finally, be honest with yourself: accept that you have met an obstacle and, in full awareness, try to find the right way to overcome it. Remember that knowing the enemy to fight helps to overcome it.