Sometimes, marriage may feel like being a roommate, especially when you have kids. The good thing is that you will have lived long enough in marriage to adequately know each other by the time you have one or two kids. You will know what your partner loves, their weaknesses, and the things they will need help in doing. It’s possible to parent together and raise a wonderful family, even without exercising the kind of romance you may see in films. However, even with the children’s disruptions and interferences, you can still be romantic, just like the first years in marriage when you had no kids.
For instance, a couple from Kamere had three children with over 11 years in marriage. On this typical day, Adelino, the family head, had spent some hours since he arrived home from work, but his wife, Yadra, hadn’t kissed him still. Although they regularly kiss, with three children under eight years, it was challenging to kiss frequently. Yadra was busy cooking while a poopy toddler was crying for attention with her hair a mess. Yes, the mother was overwhelmed and didn’t know what to cater for first.
These kinds of chaos scenarios were familiar and had been there for some time, mainly when their father, Adelino, arrives home from work. At the table, Adelino was with his older children, Kristianna and Rowin. Rowin was helping Kristianna with her homework, but an argument ensued. Rowin was determined to help Kristianna, but Kristianna declined and wanted her mother to help her instead. Again, it was another task that was awaiting Yadra, a chore she didn’t know.
On the wall was a recent painting of an exhausted panda, demonstrating people in love. Although many of the images consisted of people in love holding each other, there was one with a lady trying to reach for cooking tomatoes in the kitchen compartment, with a man’s arms holding her from behind as he rested his head on the lady’s shoulder. Was this painting illustrating Yadra and Adelino? Of course, Yadra and Adelino had such scenarios in their 11 years in marriage. However, in the last several years, the kids tended to disrupt it, and they no more looked like a couple snuggling or partners in love combined with compassion.
Things changed fast, and it sometimes appeared like they were in a business relationship. Yadra’s appearance was like someone who wanted help, with her eyes wide and her lips tight. Sometimes Adelino would kiss his wife and hold her like in the paintings. However, there was much interference from the kids. Adelino plopped his bag down, picked up the youngest, Agatha, and changed her diaper while resolving the disagreements and arguments between the older ones.
Once Yadra completed preparing supper, Adelino helped her prepare the table, and then they sat and ate together as a family. In most cases, Yadra and Adelino never spoke in the evening, to the extent of not knowing how the other had spent the day. They didn’t touch each other but would get into their respective duties as they had already learned how to manage the family. Although it wasn’t romantic, Adelino considered it beautiful. They had reached a point where Yadra didn’t need to ask for help, as Adelino could easily recognize when his wife needs help.
However, it was disappointing that many people thought their passion and love were gone, which was far from the truth. According to Adelino, marriage and raising the family together in wonderful parenthood mattered in a marriage. Nevertheless, the reality remained it was not a love story like the one you would see in movies. Mainly, they associated this with the more significant responsibilities and duties that the kids brought about.
Sometimes, it looked like business parties were discussing tax, profit, and loss-sharing issues. Sometimes it demanded dividing the kids so they can manage to solve multiple problems at once. When it came to discipline, they would back one another up. They had reached a point of seeing the beauty in the other even if they had not bathed that day. It doesn’t mean couples should not take baths, but partners should not make washing the only reason they see their partners as beautiful. The most beautiful thing in marriage and parenting is to work together and solve challenging issues together.
When the family ate supper, and the kids went to sleep, Yadra and Adelino were about to go to sleep when he reminded his wife that she never kissed him. By that time, Yadra was in the living room, and Adelino was standing in the hallway. Yadra turned around and complained that Adelino also never made the first move to kiss her, but he waited for her to make the first move. They then gazed at one another for some time, everyone waiting for the other to make the first move.
However, they later moved closer and kissed while looking at the beautiful panda paintings on the wall. As they were still kissing, the hallway door opened, and one of the small kids was walking towards them. Suddenly, Adelino let her wife go, and he picked up Agatha and took her back to bed. Once again, their romance had stopped abruptly. Yes, that was one day in the 11 years marriage life of Yadra and Adelino.
Many people miss the most important thing in marriage, and that is working together. If you consider the parenting strategies of Adelino and Yadra, you will realize that they kept the needs of their kids prioritized over their own romance needs. The kind of romance you may see in the movies might not be the typical romance you will have in your marriage, especially when you have several kids interfering and disrupting you.
By looking at how Yadra was straining to ensure she manages all her duties, to the point of looking exhausted and weary, it shows the need for husbands to help their lives. After reading this story of Adelino’s family, we would love to know what is in your mind concerning marriage and parenthood, and we will appreciate your suggestion on the following questions.
Looking at how Yadra and Adelino related, do you think they were romantic?
What do you think about their disciplining and parenting method?
Keeping in mind the appearance of Yadra, like one who was seeking help, do you think what Adelino was doing to help her was enough, or could he have done more?