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Why won’t my husband fight for our marriage


There are no perfect marriages. They face a lot of challenges that need both partners to work hand in hand to make it survive. At some point in marriage, the wife might feel that the husband is not making enough efforts to fight for their marriage. Women ask themselves, why won’t my husband fight for our marriage? In this article, we will dig deeper into this topic. Read on….

Reasons why he won’t fight for your marriage

There is another person in his life

Men always know what they want in a relationship. If they don’t get what they had always desired, most likely they will cheat. You may be having constant issues with your partner but as long as his mind isn’t there, he won’t bother solving the issues between the two of you. He knows he has a backup plan. This will mean the desire to fight for what you have been sharing is no longer there.

He has been wounded badly by this relationship

There are many sources of getting wounded in a relationship, it may be your partner(wife), or other external forces like friends, colleagues, and relatives. The wounds may have not healed and according to him, they can only heal if you guys part ways. In this case, his efforts to save the relationship will be close to none. 

Pornography addiction

Your husband may have been watching pornography for a long time now and it has gotten to a point he feels his desires have been fully solved without you(wife). He knows that life without you can still work since his desires are being met through other avenues. The zeal to fight for your marriage is not there. He is good without you anyways!

He desires his own freedom

Your husband might be viewing marriage as bondage. There are things he desires to do but he can’t simply because you are married. If a chance presents itself, he would gladly utilize it to regain his freedom. 

When he sees no reward attached to the marriage

Rewards keep us motivated in our toils. In marriage, a man is driven to arrive at a decision to leave based on how happy he is or how emotionally hurt he feels. If he feels no pain leaving you and makes peace with it, then he equals, that to a no reward struggle. 

He is bitter and aggrieved

How one feels in marriage is very important. Men usually go through emotional hurt and when bitterness is not attended to, they get aggrieved. This creates a rift between you and your husband and at that point you got no platform to handle the issues at hand.

It is a huge task

There are many external forces that usually give men a lot of pressure. This could be work, finances, high standards of living, managing the family, and raising kids among others. When he considers marriage as one of the burdens to carry, he is likely to quit the marriage. 
Basically, marriage is where partners seek comfort, affection, peace as well as happiness. When these are available and the environment becomes conducive, he will definitely stay and in the absence of the above, he will only feel demotivated to fight for the marriage. 

He is self-centered 

Basically, a self-centered person wants everything to revolve around themselves. He will want you to understand and interpret what brings him pleasure and while you struggle to please him, you only realize it’s a game for him. The best way to handle this, find a way that you can communicate how you feel about his character. While this might not yield much, understand that it takes his own decision to quit or stay in the marriage. 
 Related article: Saving Marriage With Unconditional Love

Reasons why men are stuck to fight for their marriage

Despite the above reasons why men won’t fight in their marriage, some actually want to have their relationships work, but they seem stuck. Below are some of these reasons.

He is afraid to try

In society today, we see women working harder to work on their marriage as compared to their partners. In most cases, women seek counseling sessions for the two and buy counseling books among other marriage surviving therapies. This doesn’t mean that men are not interested to save their marriages. Most of them are unable to handle the embarrassment of seeking solutions in marriage. They opt to leave the woman to handle these challenges. Upon weighing the embarrassment, they see it better to leave it in their wives’ hands.

Fear to fail in marriage.

Failure is everyone’s enemy. Most men’s performance in different endeavors is measured by external factors. This being the case, men will try hard to make sure they bring success in their marriage. Most men argue that they did try hard while they only did to their small level of risk. When the marriage is a wreck, that’s when realize, but it’s often too late.

They need motivation.

Encouraging a man means a lot to him. It is however important to have the correct choice of words when motivating your man. Most see it as a way to control him. Whatever you communicate with your man let it remain respectful and make him feel in control. This way, you will give him the motivation to work on the marriage.
He feels uncomfortable showing his emotions.

Men may feel expressing their emotions may be a sign of weakness. In today’s society, men are termed to be “strong” In a hurting situation, men might feel inferior if they manifest their emotions. When this extends to their marriage, they feel stuck to express themselves to avoid being seen as weak. 
Final thought.

In case you discover that your man is unable to work on your marriage, don’t judge him too harshly. Walk with him on this journey, and make him feel as comfortable as possible. Let him know that you understand his efforts and appreciate them. Actively involve your man in all the stages to make him feel his efforts are acknowledged. Engage a therapist to walk you through the challenges you are going through in your marriage. The question of why won’t my husband fight for our marriage will be a thing of the past